You are not solid light moves through your porous pores Not even your bones are completely dense All your tissues are permeable Light body birdsong ripples wash through Waves crash waking winter water from stillness An agitation of life calling to further life
The intensely white spring sun moved through us in Moving Writing today. I played The Spheres by Ola Gjeilo and there was this wildly expansive moment. Everybody in the room grew, light filling all the winter emptied reserves. We talked after class about this expansion, about the surprise of it, remembering that we have this capacity but how easily we contract into certain shapes, forgetting how close-by change can be when we find an alignment of trust.
The practice of finding an alignment of trust best describes my experience with somatic movement, with Skinner Releasing. Trust has a certain physicality; open in the front, back expanding backwards, skull floating. A multi-directional trust in something greater than themselves. Trust that we are held by earth, by the solar system, in a dance of gravitational pull.
I’m in the swing of things now with our life situation, I accept it. Though I know I might fall in a hole of existential angst tomorrow, I will find my way out again. Perhaps there’s something about meeting a challenge, that I like to meet a challenge. I have this fierce determination that we will continue to live wonder filled lives, that we will welcome joy and somehow continue our work. This new situation will all be part of it.
There is a tenderness between us. It has always been there, but now that tenderness is the realm in which we live together. A whole lot of friction has fallen away. We live in the tenderness of mutual appreciation, rising to the challenge to make this work as best as possible.
With the new move to the brain injury rehab, I’m reflecting back on who and how I was when we were last in the hospital environment, when you were intensive care. It was an extended moment of crisis, a time when everything was turned on its head. When we didn’t know if you would make it. But that’s not exactly true, I felt in my heart that you would make it, but you were so close to death. I’ve gotten a hell of a lot more grounded since then, unshakable most of the time, a sea of tears the rest. I feel like we are both more embodied and present than ever before. There’s been some shedding, perhaps a shedding of possibilities. In some ways we’ve lost our freedom of choice and movement, and in some ways that is freedom unto itself. To simply be in the process, to be fully present. There is no escape, no running from this challenge.
Thank you to everyone who has donated to our Build a House of Dreams for Patrick gofundme, you have absolutely blown us away with an ocean of generosity. All donations, both on and offline have now been added to the gofundme page, pooling an astonishing 409 383 SEK. You are supporting us beyond our wildest dreams, while making them a reality. Thanks to all of you, we can continue building our home and centre for A R T I S T S in R E S O N A N C E this spring, now with the help of a builder. This gives us great hope.
In case you are new to this diary, Letter to my Love with your Brain on Fire can be read as a prelude.
Your comments, likes and shares are so warmly appreciated, even if it takes a while to respond… I promise we will eventually!
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Sending tender - filled hugs to you , Patrick & Esmeralda.❤️❤️❤️